Have you ever noticed that there are two basic personalities in life? Oh, they take on various other idiosyncrasies, a bend in one direction or another. They may be reserved or outgoing, talkative or monosyllabic but regardless of the *side issues* of these individuals you’ll see them over and over again. They are the Dream Builders and the Dream Killers. Like tends to find like, a quirk of fate? More likely a case of the clichéd birds of a feather flocking together. Builders recognize other builders; Killers tend to gravitate to their own kind as well. What gets interesting is when you mix them up a bit and when a killer has no idea he just played hit man for your Dream.
Let me state for the record that we are Dream Builders. We dream big or go home. Some of our dreams come to pass; others become fine tuned and find their fruition in a different form than we originally thought they would. That’s ok by us, had we not dreamed in the first place then what has been realized never would have come to the light of day, its value never explored or appreciated.
Imagine for a moment what life would be like today if a man named Alexander Graham Bell or Martin Luther King, Jr. had never dreamed. Go ahead try. Try and envision this world without these Dreamers having walked our soil and pushed their respective envelopes. Don’t like how that plays across the screen of your mind? How about this? Their dreams may not have had the desired effects had a few Dream Killers not been in their lives. What?! That’s right, their particular, oh so necessary to this life dreams may never have got off the ground if they hadn’t been opposed by Dream Killers. Why is that? There is something innately incredible about the birth and cultivation of a dream that also fights to gain its toe hold in society, it gains strength, legs to stand on via its struggle for existence. A Dream Killer, going about his business may ironically enough be the catalyst that propels a Dream Builder on to his or her success. Talk about pure irony!
Let me state for the record that we are Dream Builders. We dream big or go home. Some of our dreams come to pass; others become fine tuned and find their fruition in a different form than we originally thought they would. That’s ok by us, had we not dreamed in the first place then what has been realized never would have come to the light of day, its value never explored or appreciated.
Imagine for a moment what life would be like today if a man named Alexander Graham Bell or Martin Luther King, Jr. had never dreamed. Go ahead try. Try and envision this world without these Dreamers having walked our soil and pushed their respective envelopes. Don’t like how that plays across the screen of your mind? How about this? Their dreams may not have had the desired effects had a few Dream Killers not been in their lives. What?! That’s right, their particular, oh so necessary to this life dreams may never have got off the ground if they hadn’t been opposed by Dream Killers. Why is that? There is something innately incredible about the birth and cultivation of a dream that also fights to gain its toe hold in society, it gains strength, legs to stand on via its struggle for existence. A Dream Killer, going about his business may ironically enough be the catalyst that propels a Dream Builder on to his or her success. Talk about pure irony!
So what does that mean to you and I? First off look around your life…which camp do you find yourself in? Are you more comfortable in the nay saying, trolling, lifeblood sucking Dream Killer camp? Is negativity the norm for you? Someone in your life; at the office or in your family is talking dreams, ways and means, success and hope and you feel compelled to rain, rain, and rain some more on their parade. ‘They need a dose of reality.’ may be your motto.
Are you more of a Dream Builder? You tend to see the sunny side of issues, even when a full on deluge is in the offing. You find it easier to imagine a bright future and a fulfilling life than a gloomy, uncertain one. Maybe your mind never stops, you invent or explore in your dreams. Yes, some of your dreams have failed spectacularly, but some of them are nearing success. You cannot imagine not having hope for growth and change and tend to meet even outright criticism with an upbeat comeback; your own reality check. If someone says ‘You can’t’ you tend to have fifteen reasons why you can on the tip of your tongue.
We have friends in both camps. We do. Yes, we love them both. We have come to realize that we in fact need both, you do too, and if you think about the differing personalities of your Killer and Builder friends you’ll probably see what we mean.
Are you more of a Dream Builder? You tend to see the sunny side of issues, even when a full on deluge is in the offing. You find it easier to imagine a bright future and a fulfilling life than a gloomy, uncertain one. Maybe your mind never stops, you invent or explore in your dreams. Yes, some of your dreams have failed spectacularly, but some of them are nearing success. You cannot imagine not having hope for growth and change and tend to meet even outright criticism with an upbeat comeback; your own reality check. If someone says ‘You can’t’ you tend to have fifteen reasons why you can on the tip of your tongue.
We have friends in both camps. We do. Yes, we love them both. We have come to realize that we in fact need both, you do too, and if you think about the differing personalities of your Killer and Builder friends you’ll probably see what we mean.
Most have heard the story (one version or another) of a man watching a butterfly coming out of its cocoon. Really enjoying the incredible experience that he is getting to witness, he is impatient to see the real action, he longs to see the butterfly unfurl her wings…what colors will they have on them? What pattern? Hoping to hasten things along the man tugs at the cocoon, tearing the opening, easing the way out for the butterfly. Things temporarily speed up as the winged insect makes its way out of its previous abode. This is where man’s knowledge gets trumped by what was encoded in the DNA of the caterpillar. Without the struggle for access to the outside world the hope of wings unfurling in the sunlight never manifests. It did not gain the requisite strength from its struggle to emerge, all of the man’s good intentions, his assistance was for nothing. The butterfly dies never having tasted the true freedom of its destiny.
Opposition is not necessarily bad. It may not be pleasant; it may make you question yourself, your dreams, and your plans. You, O Dream Builder, may be sent back to the drawing board by a Dream Killer, only to refine your plans, spotting a way to tweak, better or clarify them that you didn’t see before because you had been too long at them and needed the perspective of a sucker punch. Your greatest detractor may end up your greatest benefactor. Dream Builder meet Dream Killer; your not so silent partner in success.
You can even help along the transformation from Killer to “Associate Builder” without the risk of your own butterfly effect. Here’s how:
· When your friendly office ‘hit man’ way lays you with his killer instinct and shines a critical light on an aspect of your Dream, don’t shrink from the light, examine what it reveals. This may feel momentarily uncomfortable as you’re made to feel like a specimen on a dissection table, flayed for the world to see your innermost hopes and dreams. Let the light come, see if you spot a fuzzy area that needed better definition, what area comes into focus when you look at it from a Killer’s perspective?
· When you come to a clearer understanding of your Dream after the blazing light of your Killer friend spot lights what now seems obvious to you; thank them. You heard right, thank them. Acknowledge that their critique was very enlightening for you and brought you an even greater understanding of how to make your dream happen. Be prepared to fluster, shock and awe your staunchest critic. They may not know what hit them. They in fact may keep their next thoughts to themselves, or they may take your unexpected pat on the back as proof positive they are a genius. Go with the flow whatever the response. You may be pleasantly surprised how supportive they may suddenly be of your dream; after all they are now *invested* themselves, you received insight from them and they now may just want to see it work out after all.
· When there is a ‘killer’ in your family you may find a very motivated hit man at work. Blood is thicker than water and all that…their motivation for pulverizing your dream or sending it to the bottom of the local pond clad in concrete is love, pure and simple. Misguided possibly, but love of a fashion nonetheless. They have looked ahead into your future which smacks to them entirely too much of part of their past and they want to spare you their heartbreak, their folly, their failure. These family types may come back and take multiple hits out on your dream, these are no coffee break Dream Killers, these are Mafioso level. They know what is best for you, capiche? Seriously, they are motivated by a heady combination of love and fear. Love for you and fear for your potential failure will keep them pointing out why this cannot be done, what may happen, or may not happen. They may even have a real fear about how your failing will affect them. We have dealt with this particular Dream Killer; things may get dicey for awhile. Hear them out, allay their fears to the best of your ability but if you have to take your dream on the road and into a Dream ‘witness protection plan’, so be it. Reach out occasionally, but don’t be moved off of your path. When things turn around and you are living your Dream, be magnanimous. Extend grace to the family Dream Killer, thank them for all of their concern, let them know things are well and how you have always appreciated their advice. Then close your mouth.
Do you see the benefits of embracing your Dream Killer? If you aren’t warm and fuzzy about them yet consider this; if everyone does nothing but cheer you on you may never grow out of the initial starry eyed phase that leaves you blinded to parts of your dream that need attention. On the other hand, if you surround yourself with nothing but Killers you may have the very life sucked out of you and twenty years from now you’ll look around and wonder why you are living just like Uncle Vinnie did. Just like opposition to equal rights brought things to a head and caused people who had been asleep at the wheel to look around and change their minds about people should be treated, so does healthy opposition to our dreams cause us to fine tune and focus them leading ultimately to their success and emancipation. Your perspective is what is important. If you are a Dream Builder, find both those that will believe in you and your dream and those that will constantly challenge it. It’s not that those that encourage won’t also help you hone in on a better solution, they may also be great at that. However, it is often the most vocal nay sayer, that when approached with the right attitude, will become your catapult to success. Ironic, huh?
A final thought for those of you who recognize a tendency toward being a Dream Killer; too much negativity pulls you and your family down. Think before you automatically shoot your friends and family’s dreams full of holes, then bring legitimate concerns to the table. Respect that they brought their dreams to you in the first place, it is a high compliment when someone close to you reveals their heart and soul, their hopes and dreams. Occasionally ask yourself why not? You may discover you’ve been your own Dream Killer. If you tend to see the worst and not the best in situations and people find a few more Dream Builders to hang out with, you are good for each other. Some of their positive energy and point of views will rub off on you and your tendency to be very grounded may rub off on them. A win/win situation if ever there was one. Dream On!
Opposition is not necessarily bad. It may not be pleasant; it may make you question yourself, your dreams, and your plans. You, O Dream Builder, may be sent back to the drawing board by a Dream Killer, only to refine your plans, spotting a way to tweak, better or clarify them that you didn’t see before because you had been too long at them and needed the perspective of a sucker punch. Your greatest detractor may end up your greatest benefactor. Dream Builder meet Dream Killer; your not so silent partner in success.
You can even help along the transformation from Killer to “Associate Builder” without the risk of your own butterfly effect. Here’s how:
· When your friendly office ‘hit man’ way lays you with his killer instinct and shines a critical light on an aspect of your Dream, don’t shrink from the light, examine what it reveals. This may feel momentarily uncomfortable as you’re made to feel like a specimen on a dissection table, flayed for the world to see your innermost hopes and dreams. Let the light come, see if you spot a fuzzy area that needed better definition, what area comes into focus when you look at it from a Killer’s perspective?
· When you come to a clearer understanding of your Dream after the blazing light of your Killer friend spot lights what now seems obvious to you; thank them. You heard right, thank them. Acknowledge that their critique was very enlightening for you and brought you an even greater understanding of how to make your dream happen. Be prepared to fluster, shock and awe your staunchest critic. They may not know what hit them. They in fact may keep their next thoughts to themselves, or they may take your unexpected pat on the back as proof positive they are a genius. Go with the flow whatever the response. You may be pleasantly surprised how supportive they may suddenly be of your dream; after all they are now *invested* themselves, you received insight from them and they now may just want to see it work out after all.
· When there is a ‘killer’ in your family you may find a very motivated hit man at work. Blood is thicker than water and all that…their motivation for pulverizing your dream or sending it to the bottom of the local pond clad in concrete is love, pure and simple. Misguided possibly, but love of a fashion nonetheless. They have looked ahead into your future which smacks to them entirely too much of part of their past and they want to spare you their heartbreak, their folly, their failure. These family types may come back and take multiple hits out on your dream, these are no coffee break Dream Killers, these are Mafioso level. They know what is best for you, capiche? Seriously, they are motivated by a heady combination of love and fear. Love for you and fear for your potential failure will keep them pointing out why this cannot be done, what may happen, or may not happen. They may even have a real fear about how your failing will affect them. We have dealt with this particular Dream Killer; things may get dicey for awhile. Hear them out, allay their fears to the best of your ability but if you have to take your dream on the road and into a Dream ‘witness protection plan’, so be it. Reach out occasionally, but don’t be moved off of your path. When things turn around and you are living your Dream, be magnanimous. Extend grace to the family Dream Killer, thank them for all of their concern, let them know things are well and how you have always appreciated their advice. Then close your mouth.
Do you see the benefits of embracing your Dream Killer? If you aren’t warm and fuzzy about them yet consider this; if everyone does nothing but cheer you on you may never grow out of the initial starry eyed phase that leaves you blinded to parts of your dream that need attention. On the other hand, if you surround yourself with nothing but Killers you may have the very life sucked out of you and twenty years from now you’ll look around and wonder why you are living just like Uncle Vinnie did. Just like opposition to equal rights brought things to a head and caused people who had been asleep at the wheel to look around and change their minds about people should be treated, so does healthy opposition to our dreams cause us to fine tune and focus them leading ultimately to their success and emancipation. Your perspective is what is important. If you are a Dream Builder, find both those that will believe in you and your dream and those that will constantly challenge it. It’s not that those that encourage won’t also help you hone in on a better solution, they may also be great at that. However, it is often the most vocal nay sayer, that when approached with the right attitude, will become your catapult to success. Ironic, huh?
A final thought for those of you who recognize a tendency toward being a Dream Killer; too much negativity pulls you and your family down. Think before you automatically shoot your friends and family’s dreams full of holes, then bring legitimate concerns to the table. Respect that they brought their dreams to you in the first place, it is a high compliment when someone close to you reveals their heart and soul, their hopes and dreams. Occasionally ask yourself why not? You may discover you’ve been your own Dream Killer. If you tend to see the worst and not the best in situations and people find a few more Dream Builders to hang out with, you are good for each other. Some of their positive energy and point of views will rub off on you and your tendency to be very grounded may rub off on them. A win/win situation if ever there was one. Dream On!
